So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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