I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
