she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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