Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
