I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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