are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize