my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
