My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just cropdusted the office
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
