Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
