i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
