I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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