Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
