they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
