Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
