I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
