i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
