we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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