Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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