I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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