You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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