You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
