someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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