the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
