I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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