I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize