if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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