Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
how can u be prego again
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
