I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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