Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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