His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
