I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
