He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
