I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
