We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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