put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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