If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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