Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.