I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
