somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
