My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
