Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
