She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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