Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
