I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
