Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
