I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
