y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
