oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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