It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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