i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
