we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
