I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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