I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
