we made out on top of his cat.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
