He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
