I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
