mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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