I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
