LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
