Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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