i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
