I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
